Sunday, December 07, 2008

Bait and Switch

Every other Friday I have a private tutoring session with a 10 year old boy named Tom, after Tom and Jerry. He's a blast, and, just like his namesake, he really enjoys meowing. Since M had the day off, she came along for kicks.

The session was mostly uneventful. M sat at the table with me so she could draw pictures of random vocabulary from his English textbook to help him understand the words: piranhas, porcupines, turkeys, cacti, ice know, essential words for a ten year old.

After the session, we were talking with his mom for a few minutes when she offered us some snacks. Conveniently stored in a metal Danish Butter Cookie tin. I bet some of your parents totally did that growing up. Inside she had some tamarind candies, some kind of strange haw-jerky/brick, and an unopened bag of caramels.

They looked kind of like these bad boys:

I used to love these guys when I was growing up. Total teeth killers.

I eyed the caramels, but decided against making a move for them, opting instead for one tamarind candy. Somehow, Tom's mom started telling us how her husband had brought them back from some business trip to Thailand but she doesn't really know what they are. Hmm...She offers them to us, but we politely refuse, she insists, and hands the bag to Tom to open. As she passes the bag, I get a glimpse at the tag:

Durian Toffee

For those of you who have never had the experience that is Durian, a bunch of us in Berkeley realized it tastes a lot like: cream...onion...egg (in that order. For full effect, please march in place in between flavors).

Alarms went off in my head. Abort! Abort!

It was too late. Tom comes running back with scissors and eagerly cuts open the bag. All of us hesitate, staring awkwardly at the open bag. I gingerly pick one up, the crisp wrapper crackling in my hands as I remove it.

Imagine that you took a toffee candy, hid it inside a durian fruit, and buried the fruit underground for two weeks.

The only real saving grace was that I could lean over and breath my durian breath on M for the rest of the night. Good times.

This, by the way, is what a durian looks like:

Uncracked, it looks like some kind of medieval torture device. Inside, it looks like alien baby after-birth.


Florence said...

Hahahah medieval torture device.... awesome.

Jared said...

Oh this is one of my favorite posts. I laughed out loud (well in my head I did) multiple times. Especially the part where you breathed on Marilyn all night.

If there was ever a fruit made by God that said "Don't eat me!!!" its appearance, it'd be durian.

Katrina said...


Jirat said...

WHAT?! Durian candies/toffees are soooo delicious. My mom always brings back this Durian sausage paste. You're supposed to eat it by unwrapping the lovely plastic wrap (sausage shaped), and you cut a little chunk at a time. it has the consistency of Riesen Chocolate candy, but a little but mushier. I had three in my fridge for like a year b/c I got sick of them. I'm gonna force feed it to you guys when you get back!

(hahahaa, the Word verification for this comment is "painest". How appropriate.)

Sariah said...

So awesome. Once I read the durian toffee, I went back a bit and started reading it aloud to Matt. I was laughing so hard that sometimes I couldn't really say the words.

Do you remember the time Jacob brought home Durian candy from Taiwan? Ugh, it sure tasted the way gasoline smells to me. Eww. Oh and that picture, I loved how you said it looked like an "alien baby after-birth." Matt says the picture doesn't do justice of how big the fruit is. He said you need a person next to the fruit. Thanks for sharing.

Miss you guys! Wish we could see you for Christmas!